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lost dreams

name: Rai Hikari
starsign: Aquarius

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Sunday, October 07, 2007

Hello once again- I seem to have gotten into the habit of going six months before I post again, but I will try my hardest to post most everyday now... Anyway, if you read my post from last Christmas I got an Ipod from my father and a new flute from my mother which made the problem disappear...

As for this season, I absolutely LOVE halloween! I am a darker person- I'll admit it! I like a holiday founded around the darker side of life because I think that darker ideals of life work for me. Pain and suffering is as normal for me as tickling and laughing so why not enjoy the time of the year that fits with that... I'm going to be a vimpiress for a club halloween party too... Long live the takers of life and the immortal bringers of blood... Mwa ha ha!

So with this post I break all ties that I have with sanity and start a new chapter in a cold and cruel living enviornment. Yeah, yeah- I'll explain it since I really have stepped off the deep end of the proverbial shallow pool... I am emotionally strong person- repeat that and you've found my mantra for the past few days. I've been watching this guy at school who, I'm sure, doesn't even know I exist beyond being some-what friends with him. I've heard that he's been telling this girl who is vocal about being my friend that he's looking for a girlfriend and she and other girls have said that we would be the perfect couple... Sounds like bliss, right? Wrong...

I've determined that you have to like your self before you can love another and that takes me off the list completely! I hate the way I'm socially akward around people, can't seem to say the right things, and can't be that confident about myself even when I know that I'm not hideously ugly- I just always feel like everyone is so much prettier, nicer, saner than I am and that there's no way that anyone would want to spend a little time with me, much less spend a lifetime. So you're thinking- wow, is she fishing for compliments? No, that's exactly my problem. When someone compliments me I immediately think about any hidden agendas that would need to suck up to me... Or people are just blatently lying to me to make me feel better. Both of which piss me off...

I guess that I should go now and strive to update sometime at the end of the week... If you know me and say anything about my post- I may break down and hurt you... Totally serious... And the medical advice I told you to seek- most of that would tell you that I: 1. Don't think highly about myself, or 2. Don't think very highly of you........ Hmmmmm.......

Rai Hikari lost her dreams at 2:59 PM

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